Kelly Baumgartner | The ADHD Journey: Mindset, Motherhood, and Self-Compassion

In this episode of The Mama Making Podcast, host Jessica Lamb sits down with ADHD coach Kelly Baumgartner to talk about their shared experience of receiving a late ADHD diagnosis. They explore Kelly’s transition from teaching to coaching, how social media has shaped ADHD awareness, and the real-life challenges faced by individuals with ADHD. 

The conversation touches on mindset, self-compassion, and coaching strategies that actually work. Kelly also shares helpful resources for navigating diagnosis and finding the right support, reminding listeners that patience and understanding are key to thriving with ADHD.

You can connect with Kelly:

• On Instagram at: @kellybaums 
• On TikTok at: @kellybaums
• On the web at: www.kellybaums.com
• More on ADHD Coaching

This episode is sponsored by Collabs Creative - a digital marketing company supporting makers, creatives, and small business owners with all things digital and design.

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Transcript

Jessica Lamb (00:58)
everyone, and welcome to the mama making podcast. If you're new here, I'm your host, Jessica. If you're not new, then welcome back. Today, I'm very excited to have Kelly Baumgartner on the podcast.

Jessica Lamb (01:08)
If you are on the ADHD side of TikTok, you undoubtedly know her. She is a classroom teacher turned to ADHD coach and content creator, helping millions navigate ADHD.

Jessica Lamb (01:22)
welcome. And thanks for being here.

Kelly Baums (01:24)
Thank you, happy to be here.

Jessica Lamb (01:26)
So tell everyone a little bit about you, where you're from, what you do, whatever you're comfortable sharing.

Kelly Baums (01:31)
Yeah, okay, so I'm Kelly and I'm in the Chicagoland area and I'm an ADHD coach and a content creator and I, in a past life, was a teacher and I'm not a mom yet. I know this is the mama making podcast, so I'm just coming from a woman's perspective today and yeah, that's all I can think of right now.

Jessica Lamb (01:53)
So we talked a little bit about what we were going to chat about today. I think coming at it from how you got here from being a teacher, and then we'll just flow into all things ADHD.

Kelly Baums (02:04)
Yeah, yeah, so I became a coach and a content creator focusing on ADHD after my late diagnosis. So I wasn't diagnosed until I was about 30 years old. And that was like a total shift for me. So I guess maybe I'll start with the late diagnosis story. How about that? Okay, cool. Okay, well, I'm gonna like start maybe a little bit back from childhood, but like,

Jessica Lamb (02:20)
Perfect.

Kelly Baums (02:26)
All of these, like all my life growing up, I was like such an anxious kid, like always felt like I had a hard time maintaining friendships and like I had a really hard time in school. Like all this, like these classic hallmarks of ADHD, but because I was a girl, I think it was like so much more internal than external for me. Whereas like, know, ADHD is so easy to recognize in boys, not so easy, easier to recognize in boys.

and so it went unnoticed until my, fiance or he was my boyfriend at the time. Now he's my husband. we were on a walk one day and he was like, Hey, Kelly, like I'm reading this book. And the book was spark by John Reedy. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. he's like, I'm reading this book and it's all about like exercise and stuff. And he's like, there's a whole chapter in there about ADHD and that chapter. Like just describes you to a T and I was like,

What? are you talking about? And he goes on to describe, like, I can't even remember the contents of the chapter at this point, but he's just describing like all of these things that I struggle with, like executive functioning, like you have a hard time, just like packing a bag and like, you know, following plans and things like that. And like, time blindness, like you are terrible at keeping track of time. You really struggle with like

task initiation, like just getting started on things and like lack of structure is really hard for you. And like, he's telling me these things on the walk. And I was like, my God, like my whole life, I just thought I was like this quirky little lady and like, I'm not quirky. Those are symptoms. And so from that moment, I like, I hyper fixated for like three months. Like I think within a week or two, I was like,

I need to get an evaluation for this. And there's a bunch of different ways you can get tested. But like, I knew that for me, the only way I would actually like believe it was if I did like the testiest of tests. So I did like the full neuropsych eval. And, that took like three months to get into. And so during that three months, I was like doing all the research I could about ADHD and just like totally hyper fixated on it. Like I walked into that neuropsych eval with eight pages typed.

of like, here's all the symptoms I learned about and like, here's anecdotal stories that I have observed about myself. And yeah, the result of the test was obviously, yeah, girl, you have ADHD and also anxiety. We all know that, but yeah, and that like, totally, it was the weirdest thing, because it's like,

On one hand, like this changes absolutely nothing. Like you are still the same person. You still have the same struggles. You're still a weirdo. And then on the other hand, I was like, this actually changes everything. And like the people in my life that I shared that with, that was like a whole challenge was like talking to people about a late diagnosis. Like they didn't understand that, but for me it was like such an internal shift. So I'll pause there.

Jessica Lamb (05:12)
Yeah, I totally relate to your story. I struggled hard for a long time and we're a similar age. So I feel like it was the era of like all these boys coming out with ADHD and they're like, you think of the kid with ADHD and like you picture exactly who you think it looks like from your second grade class or whatever it is. And I can guarantee it's never a girl. So I think, I think that there's been this like resurgence of adult women being

Kelly Baums (05:32)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (05:39)
diagnosed with ADHD. And I think a lot of people are like, oh, this is just a trend now. And I think it's just like, oh, there's just more of us than we realized. So my story is very similar, and that I struggled really bad through school. I was a very anxious kid, and it's it shown itself in being hyper emotional, and not being able to like regulate my feelings or emotions and constantly thinking and like always.

fearful of what was happening next. So I always struggled. And then it was in like early college. I didn't go away to school because there was no chance. Well, one, was never going to get into a school because academically I did not do well. I like just passed by. And so I went to community college and even still struggled there in a new environment. So I started having

raging anxiety, like overtaking my life anxiety. So I want going to a therapist getting diagnosed with like general anxiety and then later OCD. And I was like, my God, this is it. This is everything. Like all of the signs are matching. And then as I continued to become an adult, I was like, this isn't everything. There's still things that are not being

Kelly Baums (06:57)
you

Jessica Lamb (06:59)
covered by this anxiety OCD blanket. And so I was just on this crusade forever to figure out like, what is this? And it wasn't until unfortunately, like TikTok that I was like, I'm feeling these things. And I would just like hysterically laugh at these different like TikToks of people with like

all their drawers open or all the cabinets in the kitchen open. And I was like, this is me. I know it's me. And it wasn't until I had my son that I started to take it seriously because it had gone so long undiagnosed and untreated, I guess, or unmanaged.

that I was like in a spiral and in postpartum of all times when things are like really hard, I was like not even able to function. Like I couldn't figure out how to put one foot in front of the other, partly because of postpartum depression and anxiety and OCD, but then also this other side of things that same thing, task initiation was impossible because I'd be so overwhelmed of all the tasks that I needed to line up.

to complete this one bigger task that I could just, would get like paralysis and couldn't do it. And then that overwhelm just builds. So it was like all these at the executive functioning of like being able to regulate myself and get things going. It was just so glaringly obvious that there was something else happening. So I finally told my therapist, I was like, I think I need to get tested for this and explore that side of things. So I met with a

a psych and did an evaluation and they were like, yes, correct. Also, yes. And that's kind of where the journey began. And I very quickly got in contact with you. I'm pretty sure I found you on TikTok, to be honest. Yeah, but I would love to talk about how you, so you got this diagnosis, you started working towards

Kelly Baums (08:39)
you

Most people do.

Jessica Lamb (09:00)
managing, I imagine, and researching all of what that looks like. Do you want to talk a little bit more what made you take or how you got into making this leap from being a teacher to knowing about your ADHD to now an ADHD coach and content creator?

Kelly Baums (09:14)
Yeah. Yeah. So my, I was, taught for 10 years. I was a school librarian for like the last seven, but, I knew like, I would say like within the first couple of years that I was like, this is not where I want to be forever because it, I know that there's plenty of teachers out there with ADHD, but like for me, I'm such like an ADHD introvert, like also neuro-spicy a little bit in other ways. And like, I felt super overwhelmed.

on a daily basis, like just the sounds, the lights, the dealing with like 500 kids like every single week is like a lot. And so I had been seeking like alternative opportunities. So I was like talking to people and thinking about like, okay, what are my strengths friends? What do you see as my strengths? What are some careers that you know of like that people are really happy and that like could be suitable to my strengths. And I kept coming up to like a therapist or a counselor.

And in talking with my therapist, she was like, Kelly, like that's like, know, you'd have to go back and get another master's degree when I had like just finished my library science master's degree. And she's like, honestly, it's really hard. Cause like you have to deal with insurance and all this stuff. And then she's like, you should be a coach. And this is like Reese sort of recently after I had found out my diagnosis and I was like, yeah, but isn't an ADHD coach, just like a bullshit therapist.

And she's like, no, they do other things. And they don't need as high of licensing or training because you're not dealing with people's mental health. You're teaching them skills and strategies to manage day-to-day life a little bit better. And I was like, OK, this is really interesting. And I don't know where on the timeline I'm at exactly because I have a terrible memory. That's one of the like,

things, the ADHD things that is the worst for me is my memory. But like somewhere in there after I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was like, okay, now I need help. So I'm going to seek out a coach and ADHD coach myself. And I realized like, okay, there aren't a lot of ADHD coaches that are geared towards adults, especially adult women. And then I started to look into like, what do even do with a coach? And I learned like, okay, coaches do a lot of the things that like

are things I had taught myself before I even knew I had ADHD because I had been in therapy for like, I don't know, seven years before being diagnosed. like, not that the therapist, the therapist that I was with, she didn't know I had ADHD. She didn't, wasn't really like an ADHD believer, if you will, do what you want with that information. but like, I think a lot of the stuff that we had talked about and like just the way my mindset is, I was always working on like,

let's find a strategy to make this thing that's hard for me easier or like, let's create this system or like, how can I remind myself or like learning how to change my mindset and like change my beliefs because I was reading all of these self-help books and podcasts at the time. And so like, I realized looking at what coaches do, I was like, I already do a lot of that for myself. Like maybe I could be a coach and I could focus on ADHD.

and kind of take what I've learned plus like what I learned in coaching training. And so while I was teaching, this was my last year of teaching, but I didn't know it. I was training for nine months in a ADHD specific coaching program. And at the same time, I was transitioning my social media into like focusing on ADHD because before, I want to say like TikTok.

TikTok before I started, I had about 100,000 followers. And I was just making content about being a millennial and being a young woman dating and stuff like that. And then when I got diagnosed, I just here and there would share a little ADHDisms. And all of those videos were the ones that were going viral. And so I realized, people want to see this content. It's resonating. So.

When I was going through training, I just made my content like explicitly about like, here's what I'm learning in ADHD coaching training and like about ADHD with the goal to like inform other people as well. And so then this summer I finished with my last year of teaching and I finished with my coaching program. told myself like, if I can open my practice and get like X number of clients, then I will have replaced my teaching salary.

And so I just had like one or like two weeks where I just, all I did was discovery calls with people and like got people to like sign up for coaching. And literally within two weeks, I was like, Holy shit, I can quit my job. And I called my principal crying and I was like, I'm really sad, but I'm no, this is the right move for me. And so I, like right away, pretty much went full time into coaching, which is scary. And there are people who are far more qualified than me.

who way more experience, who deserve the full people load, but social media is an amazing thing.

Jessica Lamb (13:56)
Yeah, for sure.

And I think the like, isms, the ADHD isms is so huge, because like, it's just one short little quick TikTok, but it's like really impactful to be like, hey, that's me. Like there's a, as millennials, I feel like we love a label. As much as we say we don't, I think it's like a little bit of validation that didn't exist before. Whereas I feel like Gen Z are like,

no labels, please, which I get. But I think for us millennials, like we went so long without being able to put a name to the thing that I think those, even though they're just like short little TikToks that are like, Hey, here's a thing that I do with my laundry or whatever it is. Like, this is my thought process on XYZ. I think that can be so validating for people. So I'm not shocked whatsoever that your social media took off and then so did your coaching.

cause I think lived experience, obviously I'm a huge advocate on my podcast for going to therapy, seeking a therapist that works for you. but I think that, lived experience is also something that can help connect you in a way that maybe you might not otherwise feel super connected. So I think being able to like, give examples of things you've done yourself or.

a better idea of what things look like in practice, I think can be really, really helpful for people.

Kelly Baums (15:20)
Yeah, there's, mean, there's like so many, there's so many people that complain about like the ADHD, TikTok trend and like all that stuff. And like, those are valid, but I also think it's so valid that people who are just starting to understand themselves have a place to like see themselves reflected. Does that make sense? Like there's one of the concepts in library sciences is called it's mirrors and windows. And it's like, when you choose a book for the library, you want to

Jessica Lamb (15:39)
Yeah.

Kelly Baums (15:47)
Choose a book that provides mirrors and windows. So mirrors, as in like it reflects the children in your library and windows. like children can see into the lives of other people, like other children who are not like them. And I think that that also applies to social media. Like you want to provide people with mirrors so they can understand themselves better and windows so people who don't understand ADHD can start to really like get a better grasp on it.

Jessica Lamb (16:12)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's helpful for like the spouses or partners of people with ADHD. part of my story is that my husband's brother has ADHD and for years we joked about it being girl ADHD. And so he got, he got diagnosed as a kid. we're only a few years apart. but when I told my husband's family, I'm like, I think I'm to get tested to see if I have ADHD. They were like,

Kelly Baums (16:25)
Thank

Jessica Lamb (16:36)
wait, you don't have ADHD? We thought you did this whole time. And I was like, okay, like maybe that's a sign that like, they've been dealing with this so long that they saw signs in me and they were like, yeah, she's just got ADHD. Yeah. So I think that's part of it too with like, had my husband not already had a lived experience, obviously our ADHD is very different, like what we hyper focus on. And there's a lot of similarities as well. But I think for partners who

Kelly Baums (16:50)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (17:03)
don't or even like friends, like friend relationships. I think it gives like you said, a better lens or vision of what it looks like for your friend or family member. And then you can like, act a little bit more compassionately towards them. I have a really good friend shout out Erica. She just got diagnosed with ADHD as well. And chronically late.

this girl could not show up on time if you paid her money. But knowing more about her and about her ADHD, I'm like, this totally makes sense. I have a very different reference for time than she does. mine is off to begin with and hers is way different than mine. So I think there's many different flavors of ADHD as well. So I think seeing all the different TikToks on, I mean, it's a trend for a reason.

I think seeing all the different TikToks and social media trends to show you what other people are experiencing has a lot of validity.

Kelly Baums (17:58)
Mm-hmm, for sure. Even my husband, Gides, he was like, I didn't really think ADHD was a thing until I met you. And I was like, okay, well, like that I feel like is the experience of many people until you like really know someone who has ADHD, you think like it's all just BS excuses. And so it's nice that like there's more places to get the information than firsthand now.

Jessica Lamb (18:18)
Yeah, for sure. And I think you were talking about like, the years that you weren't diagnosed that like you're already thinking of so many different strategies and ways to like, quote unquote, fix yourself or fix come up with a system or a routine. And I think for so many years, we're all I think we're all really good problem solvers, I have found like we are great in a pinch.

Kelly Baums (18:39)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (18:41)
And I think that that's because for so many years, we're just trying to figure out how to be quote unquote normal. And like, why can't I do this? Let me figure out X, Y, different ways to try. Let me try the millions of different planners that are going to fix it all for me. But I think one of the keys for me was like trial and error and being like, okay, I'm to give myself X amount of time to try this thing that I think is going to fix it or think is going to work.

And when it doesn't work, I'll move on to something else. And if it does work, it works. So I think being able to do that trial and error is something we've done forever. But one of the big things is like reframing things, I imagine.

Kelly Baums (19:19)
yeah, for sure. think like the, God, I just like so resonated with what you said with like the, like, why can't I just and like hitting this wall, my experience of like trying to do the things the other people did without it being so hard, like, and the trial and error. just have to comment on that. I forgot your question. What did you just ask?

Jessica Lamb (19:37)
I also forgot.

Kelly Baums (19:38)
Dang it. This is so like us.

Jessica Lamb (19:39)
Hmm. We should leave this in. This is a perfect example. But,

yeah, I mean, I think, like the, like you were saying, like, I wish I could just, I think people don't realize, one of the things I was going to say that I probably should have written down was when I was first researching, like, maybe I do have ADHD. I

didn't save it, which is very unlike me, but I saw this article that was like linked to a study about the amount of people who are misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression, who actually do just have ADHD. And the cycle being that they like try something and fail and try and fail so many times that it comes to this like, why can't they do anything right?

Kelly Baums (20:15)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (20:26)
I wish I could just, why can't I be like everyone else? Why is everything 10 times harder? That just comes into this spiral of like, obviously that's going to turn into depression, but then also like the learned failure, but then also the anxiety of like knowing the failure is coming. I imagine you see that a lot with people. You're like, I have anxiety and depression, but then also ADHD, like what is real? What isn't? How does it all intertwine? I'm sure you see that a ton.

Kelly Baums (20:41)
Mm-hmm.

a lot.

Yeah.

Well, so much of like work in coaching is like making that mindset shift and like changing your beliefs about yourself in addition to like having the productivity tools because that is like such a, right? Like your whole entire life, you've just been failing over and over and over and like not meeting people's expectations, but at the same time, knowing that like you can do these things. So it's, it's such a.

God, it'll mess up your mental health so bad. I mean, for years, like I was in, I didn't really realize it was anxiety until I was in college. But I remember being like, why do I feel like this? And other people don't seem to feel like this. my, like probably my freshman year, freshman or sophomore year, I was like very near suicidal, like with my mental health because I struggled with depression so much. And I went to the doctor and I remember crying.

and her just being like, I'm going to prescribe you a therapist, go to talk to a therapist, and just being told I had anxiety and depression and here's some pills for that. And in the end too, even when I first got diagnosed with ADHD, the first thing that put me on was Wellbutrin, which is for depression, but also can be used to treat ADHD.

And that made things so much worse for me. Like I know for some people it actually really, really helps, like treating it as if it was depression, like actually made my ADHD worse.

Jessica Lamb (22:13)
Yeah. I, it's

so funny you say that I just recently, maybe like a year ago, tried Wellbutrin because I had been on the same like anxiety, depression meds since college. And so I was like, I feel like things are not working anymore and need to change. So, and I had been diagnosed and so I was taking Adderall pretty regularly. We changed it to Wellbutrin and it was like,

crazy. I wish I would have been like writing during that time. Because to look back and like I had like pure unadulterated rage. And I just Yeah, I had rage and then I just like felt crazy, like angry and crazy. And it was like, I have to get off of this. This is not the plan. But yeah, I think I think it's an interesting intersection between what you

Kelly Baums (22:47)
Yeah, yeah, I've that with people.

Jessica Lamb (23:04)
I mean, I'm sure there's more like evidence on the intersection between mental health and ADHD and kind of how they like the Venn diagram of the two. I'd be interested to know for the clients that you see in your coaching work, what are some of the areas that they come to you with? Like, this is my biggest challenge. I know a lot of people will have something different, but I think it's important to share like.

Kelly Baums (23:14)
Mm-hmm.

Jessica Lamb (23:28)
what's easy for something, someone to deal with is catastrophic for someone else. And I think it can be helpful to know even the smallest things people can come to help get help with. I think it would just be helpful to know what people come to you for.

Kelly Baums (23:42)
Yeah, I'd say like probably like 80 % of clients. One of the first conversations that we have is about like task initiation. like just getting started and understanding that people with ADHD aren't motivated the same way that people without ADHD are. So that's like a really big one. And then also task management because like, meaning like, how do you keep track of all the things that you have to do and like, how do you plan your day or your week or whatever?

And like, obviously for those things, there's no one right way for like every single person. And that's why like there's coaching instead of just like me making endless TikToks with solutions. but the, those two are really big. And then I do think also like balance, like a lot of people will come in and this is more like, so the first two were kind of like strategy things, like the task initiation, task management.

But like mindset wise, the biggest thing that I see the most is like, want balance and I also want control because with this like brain, we tend to be like all or nothing, black or white. Like we're either going, going, going, or we're totally crashed. so like changing the way that you like pace your life and pace and like manage your energy is a really big one. And then that ties into the like

just like the mindset of like how, what are your expectations for yourself? Like, is that even realistic? Is that something that you want for yourself or is that just like what society told you that they think your life should feel like?

Jessica Lamb (25:14)
Yeah, I think that's a great point that we have a very specific, specific to you idea of like what our life should look like or how we should behave or what things should look like as a whole. And I think we're just setting ourselves up for failure by not being like, okay, this is who I am and figuring out what things do I love about all of this and what things don't I love. And I think that was one of the big things.

for me with coaching was like, I just need to figure out who I am. I think there's a big, I mean, I know that my situation isn't unique coming like just postpartum, but I feel like it was a very big intersection for me becoming a new mom, but then also like having this diagnosis and being like, it was almost positive. It was challenging, but it was almost positive that it happened at the same time. Cause I'm like,

Okay, I'm this new person, I don't have time to really like fuck around and figure out like, who am I? What do I like? What do I do? Like I didn't have the time to sit and like, grieve what I wasn't going to have in terms of like, being neurotypical. And I think had I done it prior, I would have been very much in my head of like, well, this is how it was supposed to be. And this is how it's supposed to look. Whereas I came into it in a timeframe that I like

didn't have the option to like sit around and sulk because I had a newborn that was like needing my attention and I needed to figure it out. And so I think I think I was very lucky in that and was able to see it like from hindsight. But I imagine that a lot of people come with like a very specific idea of what they think things need to look like. And it's almost like D programming, I imagine.

Kelly Baums (26:35)
Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of it is. Also, I have something to say about the like, feeling after you get diagnosed that you mentioned like about how like you had a newborn, you were busy, so you didn't really have time to like live in like the regret or like the, that kind of feeling. A lot of people like, okay, wait, what I gotta get like think my words through around this. So

Jessica Lamb (27:07)
Mm-hmm.

Kelly Baums (27:13)
that's like a really common feeling for people who are late diagnosed is like the looking back and being like, if only I had those supports, like how would things have been different? I would have made it so much further XYZ yada yada. Like, and that was a big thing that I went through too, was like grieving young Kelly and her challenges. But what I see over and over again with clients is that that also happens with the clients who are diagnosed in childhood.

Because while they knew about their ADHD growing up, you know, to whatever degree they knew about it, almost no one was like taught about their ADHD when they were growing up. So they are like now in adulthood, just coming to understand like these challenges and how much they're impacting their daily lives. And so a lot of times, like whether you are in adulthood or childhood, when you're diagnosed, like what I see is that people are in the same position.

Yeah, and I'm obviously seeing like a skewed bit of the population, like people who are coming for help at that time. So, you know, I'm sure there are lots of people out there who maybe were taught a lot about their ADHD, but I think from what I see, it's a lot of same thing.

Jessica Lamb (28:17)
Yeah, yeah, because there's a lot of like education you need to do just to like learn how your how the ADHD brain works in general and then how it works for you. And I think

I think that can be hard to, if you don't have the time to like soak it all in and do the research and learn a lot. I think we're at a really cool time in the world where like you could turn on a quick YouTube video and be like, this is how the brain works. And as something comes up, I think you just start to think about it more like, I'm doing this and that's because my brain works this way. And I think that was really helpful with coaching.

with you was that you would ask me questions that like I had never even considered. And I think that that was I think one of the first ones was like, how do you like how do you view time essentially, like when you see time? it like, on a like a linear scale? Is it like a physical clock? I think that was one of the questions but I was like, no one's ever asked me that I I

Kelly Baums (29:14)
Thank

Jessica Lamb (29:14)
Don't know the answer. Like there were, so it had me thinking of different things that were like, I didn't consider and was like, this is just like the thing, the ADHD thing. And never really thought like more about it. One of the things that's popping up for me is, in the task initiation section of things is that like all the, all the self-help advice is like, do all the fun things last, like do the hard things first. So that like the quick and easy things.

can be like your treat at the end of doing the task. That doesn't work for me and I never knew why. But knowing now that like mapping, when I map out a task list, I'll do an easy task and a hard task and a fun task and then a harder task and like kind of mix it all up because my brain needs that like little jolt of excitement to get through the day. So I think there's a huge educational piece.

that you don't necessarily expect when you start it. And I guess I even consider the fact that like people who had ADHD as a kid, I mean, how many kids are getting educated on like, hey, this is how your brain works in the nineties. Yeah, that's so interesting. I never even considered that.

Kelly Baums (30:10)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, not, not.

Mm-hmm. I know and it's like that I think that when you understand like what the heck is going on inside your brain and like what your version of ADHD looks like then it's like, okay, you're like 75 % of the way there like now you can come up with systems that work for you You can be kinder to yourself like that in itself was one of the biggest shifts after my diagnosis was like, my god

I don't have to be such an asshole to myself now because I understand that all my flaws are not my choice. It's literally just a different brain. And like when you know the reason that you can't get started, you stop calling yourself lazy because you realize it's not laziness.

Jessica Lamb (30:59)
Right. Yeah. I think that that's like, mean, something I know shade to my parents, but something I heard constantly of like, you have the ability to do this. You're just being lazy. And I think that I just, whether it was my parents saying that or just something I picked up like that, I feel like a lot of people feel who have ADHD that are like, I'm not just lazy. I just can't, my brain can't jumpstart itself to do the task. So I think that that is an interesting.

viewpoint to change or mindset, I guess.

Kelly Baums (31:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that inner critic, like, yeah, where's that coming from? What's it saying to you? How do we rewrite that?

Jessica Lamb (31:34)
Yeah, yeah. I think, again, back to like the, the idea that you have about yourself. I don't find myself to be like a scheduled or routine person, but through coaching was able to find that I have two different routines that I do every other day. Like,

Kelly Baums (31:49)
When I think about

you, I'm like, she's the one with all the schedules and routines.

Jessica Lamb (31:52)
Yeah,

which is so funny because I don't see that myself at all. But like, through coaching, I was able to see like, okay, we have a schedule, it's just different, like two different interchangeable ones. And I think it started with like, okay, what do you do in the morning? It's like, well, this day I do this, and this other day I do this. And then it like, went out into a schedule of the day of how it all kind of

goes. And until that I didn't, I've been going through the world just being like, oh, I'm just doing things on vibes and like happenstance. Whereas like, I do actually have a schedule and a routine and didn't even realize it. So I think we these like long held assumptions of ourselves that I think coaching helps you to utilize them better, or to adjust things that you'd like to adjust or work with what your brain is doing.

Kelly Baums (32:40)
Mm-hmm.

Jessica Lamb (32:47)
to help you optimize those.

Kelly Baums (32:48)
Yeah, I feel like it's kind of like a life audit and then like what's what are the pieces here that like aren't efficient right now.

Jessica Lamb (32:55)
Yeah, for sure. That's a great way to put that. feel like we could all use that ADHD or not. So what are some of the other, what are like the biggest, let me think about this. I'm thinking like strategies of, so like say you think you have ADHD, you want to try to work towards like having a better mindset about things. What are some strategies that you utilize with your clients to kind of start

Kelly Baums (33:00)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (33:20)
jumpstart people to thinking a little differently about themselves and about their potential or diagnosed ADHD.

Kelly Baums (33:27)
Yeah, okay. My favorite one is, there's like so many ways to like package this one particular tool. And I'm sure like if you're in the personal growth space, you've probably like heard this a bunch of different ways. But okay, so let's say you're doing a thing or you're trying to do a thing and like the negative or like not good feeling thought comes up, right? Like you're so lazy or like look at so and so they're able to do this and you aren't or

whatever the negative thought is for you. Recognizing that thought in the moment and being like, look at that. That's one of those thoughts that doesn't feel very good. And then I think another step is thanking the thought. So identifying like, okay, here's why I thought this. Like I used to call myself lazy because that motivated me. And that was what like got me to do stuff because I was motivating myself with shame. like, thank you. I see you for trying to motivate me.

and then redirecting to a better feeling thought. So perhaps the better feeling thought is like, I'm having a hard time starting this. It's not because I'm lazy. It's just because my brain isn't motivated by the things that I've been taught that it's supposed to be motivated by. So I guess the steps would come down to identify the thought or like recognize it, thank it for what it used to do for you, and then redirect to a better feeling thought.

And when you redirect to the better feeling thought, sometimes I like to envision like I'm erasing the old thought and now I'm like rewriting my story for myself and here's what I'm going to think. Sometimes I will make it sticky and I'll like to make it stick in my brain more. I'll like journal about it in a note in my phone app or I'll like text myself it or like I'll like make a voice memo to a friend or something like that to help it stick to. And the

Like neuroscience behind this from a non-neuroscience-y girl here is that you're rewriting neural pathways. So like the more you think a thought, the stronger that neural pathway is going to be. So if you, your whole life have been telling yourself you're lazy, that's gonna be like a neural pathway that looks like a highway. And so training yourself to move away from that highway is gonna look like a dirt road from the beginning when you start to create like that new thought pathway.

But trust that the more that you practice that, the old highway is going to become overgrown and unused. And you're going to turn that dirt path into like a road and one day a highway that just takes your, your thought will automatically by default go the more positive way. Um, and what was the other thing I wanted to say about that? All you have to do is like think the new, better feeling thought one more time than the bad feeling thought. So if you thought I am so lazy 100 times,

in your life, then you only have to think the new thought 101 times, which may sound daunting, but it's something that like may take, you know, months, years to change for yourself, but it genuinely works. Genuinely, like I feel like I'm a different person than I was in my 20s because I just continually like redirected my thoughts.

Jessica Lamb (36:18)
Yeah. And like, for me,

it's like, think about how long you've had undiagnosed ADHD and like give yourself a break that you're not going to figure out how to feel better immediately, that it's going to take some time to figure out what works. And I think that's like positive self talk and like changing, like you said, the neural pathways to be more, in your favor. I'm sure it's hard to start, but.

Kelly Baums (36:40)
Yes. And

it's hard to start, one, I think one really key thing is it doesn't have to be some like Pollyanna bullshit. Like you don't have to go from I'm so lazy to like, I'm the hardest working person in the world. You could just be like, yeah, I don't want to do this, but I'm capable of finding a tool to figure this out. Right? So like just.

think of it like a ladder, like if you're on the bottom rung, just like take one step up and make it a little better. And sometimes the one step up, like from an outside perspective might still seem negative, but if it feels slightly better to you, like that's all that matters. So.

Jessica Lamb (37:15)
Yeah, for sure.

I meant to ask earlier and forgot, what are some of the differences in the clients you see between women with ADHD and men with ADHD?

Kelly Baums (37:24)
Ooh, that's it. I haven't like thought deeply about that. Let me think. Okay. I could say like speaking from like a client conversational perspective and not from like, like what research shows that like women are different from men. I do feel like women are like often struggle more with the mindset, the shame.

the like internalized beliefs and men tend to be more coming in about like the tools and like the productivity bits. But everyone seems to like need both equally. Yeah, like even if we start with like, you know, a man and like we're talking about the productivity tools, it's like, well, probably underneath that like conversation about

Jessica Lamb (37:53)
Hmm.

Yeah, for sure.

Kelly Baums (38:09)
wanting to be more productive is maybe a belief that we could check in with about like why do need to be like so much more productive when you're already working hard for like eight hours a day.

Jessica Lamb (38:18)
Right. That's a point. What are some pieces of advice for people who are just getting started on their ADHD journey? Whether they're like, I think I might have it. They're like thinking about getting diagnosed or they have a new diagnosis to kind of getting on their way.

Kelly Baums (38:19)
and

Yeah, okay. I think one would be maybe consume information mindfully and know that like, that gosh, we can like get, we can really get stuck in the information gathering phase and like never make changes. So if you do feel like that is a stuck point for you, like maybe talk to a therapist or a coach so you can like get out of the information gathering phase.

When you're in the information gathering phase try to gather information from like reputable sources like there's lots of Pop culture II like ADHD content about their out there and like not to say that I don't participate in that but like I generally try to make information that's like I don't know related either like humorous Like and relatable or like related to science. Some people are just like humorous relatable and then they share like bad science

So watch who you're getting your information from. And if you're looking for a good source, I really like Attitude Magazine, ADD, ITUDE. They've got lots of really good articles. And I really like CHAD, C-H-A-D-D. That's like an organization for children and adults with ADHD. So tip number one, watch where you consume your information. If you get stuck in the information gathering phase, seek help.

What's another one if you're just getting started? What did I need? I think be patient with yourself. Like there is so much grief that comes with a late diagnosis. Like I never cried more than in the six months after my diagnosis, because I was just so sad for like little Kelly who is just like in so much need of like help and support and understanding. And like she didn't get that and she was alone. And so like lean into that grief.

It won't carry you away. You'll move through it. And also, I'm making this up as I go. Can you tell? The another thing that comes up a lot is like there is generally very commonly a skill regression if you are getting a late diagnosis because you are

Jessica Lamb (40:16)
That's

Kelly Baums (40:28)
Like now walking around observing yourself through this new lens of understanding of like, my gosh, I have ADHD and that's related to my ADHD and that too. like a lot of times you get frustrated with it or maybe you're trying to accept it more. And so because your energy is like a little bit more scattered, you're like not keeping it together as well, or you're just like letting the walls come down a little bit, the masking come down. So like stuff gets worse for a while. And I think the reminder there is like, that's normal. allow it.

And like, it's okay if stuff gets hard for a little while, but also use it as the time to like identify like what your weak points are and what you want to work on and then look for solutions for those.

Jessica Lamb (41:04)
Yeah, I like that. I know people have a hard time figuring out how to get diagnosed. Do you have any resources for that?

Kelly Baums (41:13)
Yeah, okay, so there's a few different ways. I'm not gonna give like a full comprehensive list, but like some ways you could do it are you could go to your general practitioner or your family doctor and just like have that conversation. For some people that goes great, for some people that doesn't. It totally depends on your doctor and like maybe like how educated they are.

on the topic, especially as a woman, like I heard a lot of horror, not horror stories, but like not great stories about women going to the doctor and the doctor just being like, you're just watching too much TikTok. So pros of that, convenience, you already know the person. Cons of that, if you're not talking to the right person, it's not going to yield a great result. Another option is to go get a full neuropsychological evaluation.

cons of that are that it's going to be expensive, more expensive, can be like upwards of like a thousand dollars in some areas, depending on your insurance coverage. And, also time to get in like right now, those are like, they can be like three, six month waits, one year waits can be crazy. pros of that are that like they're super comprehensive. Those are from my understanding of it. Like when I went through it, it's basically an IQ test.

with like a big questionnaire and then also like a long conversation. So, and it's not just screening for ADHD, they're screening for like anything else that could come along with it. So that's a good option too. And then I think the third common option is like one of those online providers. I kind of think there's a lot of people out on the internet now to like profit off of ADHD, which

pisses me off. But also I do think there are a lot of really good companies out there that like actually want to help people with ADHD because they understand the mission. I work with ADHD online and I think they have a pretty good evaluation. It like takes you like two hours to fill out. It's really comprehensive. It also screens you for other stuff like anxiety, Bingenie disorder, like commonly comorbid things with ADHD. And then a clinician looks over it and has a conversation with you after.

and can provide you with a diagnosis and those are the most affordable. I think the coupon on my page is like it takes it from $179 and takes like $50 off. So it's like $130. Yeah, so that's like the most quick and inexpensive. I guess the cons of that would be like it's not going to be the same as like going to like a full neuropsych eval. So yeah.

Jessica Lamb (43:32)
Yeah. Yeah. I think my advice would be once you do find the avenue that you want to go down in terms of getting diagnosed is to either find a therapist or a coach like yourself to get connected with, because it's going to be really fucking hard in the beginning. And as you like, as life changes, as things change in general, like

Kelly Baums (43:48)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (43:54)
as you get older, as you add kids to your life, as you your job, like things are going to change in your life. And you're going to want someone to be like, what do I do? And how do I how do I navigate this? Again, think about how long you weren't diagnosed and didn't have the time to gain those skills that are like, oh, this is what I do now. You're going to want someone to navigate it with.

Kelly Baums (44:05)
Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (44:21)
So whether it's a therapist or a counselor or a coach, I think being connected to somebody who understands your ADHD and kind of where you are in your journey, I think is imperative to taking your diagnosis and like really living fully alongside of it. I think that was huge for me to be able to.

Kelly Baums (44:43)
read.

Jessica Lamb (44:47)
I was very lucky that I was already connected to a therapist, but then also to have a coach on top of it. Like, obviously you understand to a deeper degree than my therapist did. So I think that that was helpful to do both of them in tandem to be like addressing the emotional part of it. think people, I for one did not expect to be as emotional as I was about my diagnosis. And...

there's just like an immediate relief that I got, but then it was like overtaken by like that grief part of things. So I think having a therapist to go through those emotions with and kind of navigate that like, like you said, that like past child that didn't really get helped in the way they needed. I think that is a lot to get through. But then also figuring out how your specific brain works.

There's a lot less trial and error when you're working with someone who knows some tricks and tips to ADHD. but do you want to share a little bit more about what coaching looks like with you?

Kelly Baums (45:42)
Yeah, yeah. So, okay, so I also work with a couple of associates too. So whether you're working with like me or my associates, like it looks the same, but we've got, we do one-on-one sessions. There's also group sessions too, but in like the one-on-ones, they're 45 minutes. And the very basic idea of a session is client comes in with a focus and they leave with some sort of solution. So the focus could be like,

You know, like I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Like, can we help manage that? Or I keep on running into this issue at work or in my relationship, or can we come up with a plan for X or I really want to improve like this area of my life. So I do just find that the clients that come in with like a general idea of what they want to talk about, make it a lot further because they're the ones who are doing like the self reflection and like observing and doing that. And then when you leave a session, you're leaving with like.

Maybe it's like a strategy or a tool or like something to experiment with or like a new way to observe yourself. or just like some clarity about like your brain and the way that it works. but yeah, and in the in between of those two points, we're like, we're talking, we're like getting to know, you know, how your brain works. And we're talking about information about like, what's going on there with ADHD. We're talking about like potential different solutions and considering like.

how each of those would feel for you. So it's really like very individual. Everyone needs different things. Everyone comes from different backgrounds. And then over time, because a lot of times in the beginning with coaching, like we tend to talk a lot about like strategies, but then over time it tends to be more like, let's talk about like patterns that are coming up for you. Like I noticed you're always like, you know, kind of in this like, like super full of energy slash burnout cycle.

Like, or maybe you're over committing a lot, like what can we do to fix that? So it sort of like starts kind of small and then like slowly zooms out over time, which I think is really nice and yeah, can make a big difference.

Jessica Lamb (47:34)
Yeah, it makes it pretty seamless too, because I feel like you're going to get to that point either way that you're like, here is the cycle that I keep getting into. But then knowing and figuring out what to do with that information can also be super helpful too. And I know that most of my sessions came away with like two or three things to try based on like what your capacity is and where your brain is kind of at. So that was always helpful to me to know I had

Kelly Baums (47:48)
Yep. Yeah.

Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (48:02)
a few options to try between sessions, which was really nice. But like you said, there's always something that you come out of it with, which I think is obviously great for people with ADHD to feel like they have something to work towards or kind of that like light at the end of the tunnel to be like, okay, here's what I'm doing to try to work on this, which I know is super helpful.

Kelly Baums (48:20)
Yeah.

Yeah. And you have the accountability buddy to be like, my gosh, I have to show up next week, having made some progress in this area or else they're going to like ask me why.

Jessica Lamb (48:30)
Yeah, yeah. Anything else ADHD that you want to chat about?

Kelly Baums (48:36)
Let's see. I feel like we covered a lot of it. Like the story, the social media part of it, the late diagnosis part of it, some of the solutions, how coaching can help, how therapy can help. Yeah, I feel like we covered a lot of it. Yeah.

Jessica Lamb (48:39)
Yeah.

I think so too.

So tell people where they can find you. Socials, whatever you want to share.

Kelly Baums (48:59)
Yeah, so I'm on pretty much all platforms for social media with the handle at Kelly bombs, K E L L Y B A U S. And I also, you can find like a ton of information just about like how coaching works and stuff and like resources that I have on my website. And yeah, I'd say, and my website is www.kellybombs.com. So those are like the best ways to find me.

Jessica Lamb (49:21)
Okay, cool. Well, thank you so much for being here. I'm super excited to have had you.

Kelly Baums (49:25)
Yeah, that was really fun.